Julie M: Mujhse Shaadi Karogi, supposed to be a “zany” comedy, is so far very stupid but I can’t stop watching it…let’s try a liveblog, shall we?
Jenny K: The things you ask me to do… Salman and Akshay together. Yeesh. I may request something in return…Kathy is asking that I go to see a new Salman film, Bodyguard, that’s opening on Wednesday. I owe her one, because she didn’t like Crazy, Stupid, Love when I talked her into it. So, why don’t you go see Bodyguard, too, and we’ll make this a two-parter. I have to put up with Akshay, and you get to put up with Kareena. You up to the challenge?
Julie M: Oh, I didn’t mean you and I should liveblog MSK. I was doing it myself, mainly to distract myself from the mindlessness that was that movie. But I am up for Bodyguard if it’s playing at the cinema. I’ll endure Salman if you’ll endure Akshay. MSK is available free online on YouTube. This one online is much better quality than the video I got from the library.
Jenny K: Okay, it’s a go! I’ll head off to watch MSK, and leave you with the trailer for Bodyguard that I found.
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Julie M: Oh, good Lord, that trailer is insane. What did I agree to?
[Later on, Julie’s up first with Mujhse Shaadi Karogi’s play-by-play. Spoilers abound.]
Julie M: Salman Khan is Sameer, a kind, serious and moral young man albeit with a terrible temper that gets him into trouble. He decides he needs a change of luck and scenery, and gets a job as a lifeguard captain in Goa. Since he doesn’t have enough money to rent a whole room, he pays his landlord half rent with the understanding that he will share his room. Upon arrival he meets, and instantly falls in love with, Rani (Priyanka Chopra), his neighbor, who has a very strict father (Amrish Puri) whom Sameer instantly (though accidentally) alienates along with Rani.
Jenny K: I know Priyanka’s character, Rani is supposed to be a fashion designer, but isn’t she posing in the mirror and dancing rather provocatively in full view of any passerby, really too often to have it not be on purpose? Not the behaviour of your average nice Indian damsel. And I’m very curious to see if Goan lifeguards really look Baywatch perfect down to the red suits and floatation devices they carry…I think I saw Pam Anderson in the background once.
Julie M: The Baywatch thing got to me too. In fact, the entire Goan scene was too SoCal and not enough India. I’m sure it’s not like that in real life…clearly aiming at a NRI audience?
Anyway, back to the action. While Sameer (who has a very active and elaborate fantasy life, seen in numerous songs) is pondering how to turn the situation around, enter Sunny (Akshay Kumar), a charming and fun-loving drifter who is also a bit of a con artist and is the complete opposite personality type from Sameer. Sunny gets a room at the same boardinghouse as Sameer and of course ends up as Sameer’s roommate. He likewise meets and falls in love with Rani, to somewhat better results since he takes the time early on to suck up to her father, and her father’s little smush-faced dog, which impresses Rani.
Jenny K: Ah, this is beginning to come back to me. I think I saw this in the cinema when it came out…I definitely remember Tommy the Dog. And those skin tight jeans on Salman…actually, he looks better in them than I remember. And his voice is always quite caressing, as I now recall… I didn’t remember Akshay’s arrival, “copter-skiing” would you call it? Sad, that boy just doesn’t know how to make an entrance.
Julie M: Clearly the Akshay-bashing has begun early! I thought it was a fun entrance that defined his character, but his teeth looked very fake in that scene. Onward… Sameer decides to take the tack of becoming Rani’s “secret admirer,” even to the point of anonymously bailing out her failing business, all of which backfires when Rani thinks Sunny is behind all of the thoughtful acts and Sunny doesn’t correct her. Meanwhile, Sunny takes opportunities to sabotage Sameer whenever he can, and takes credit for what is actually Sameer’s talents in music and painting to impress Rani. Sameer tries very hard to control his temper when he finds out abut Sunny’s shenanigans. Rani and Sunny spend increasing amounts of time together and Rani thinks Sameer is a jerk.
Jenny K: Don’t get your dhoti in a twist… I’m not bashing your boy, I was reacting to his character! And in any case, I actually liked his entrance; in an over the top Khiladi/Evel Knievel kinda way.
Julie M: I’m sure eventually it will all get straightened out, Sameer’s true love and endearing qualities will win out over Sunny’s misdirection and charm, and Rani will realize who really loves her. But not before Sameer gets pushed to the breaking point and dukes it out mano-a-mano with Sunny. (You can’t have action heroes like Salman and Akshay in the same movie without pitting them against each other, right?)
Jenny K: Sunny…Wicked Sunny…(got to have the invisible chorus with every mention of him) is really beginning to grate on me, and it’s working in Salman’s favor. I just found myself thinking that he looked very nice in that gold tie-dyed kurta, and how cute his voice was when he dropped grandma’s jar on the floor and almost cooed “All that money!” Oh, dear…I cannot be warming to him after all these years…Wicked Sunny!
Julie M: I admit that his character is pure evil, but I just can’t get mad at Akshay, he’s so cute. But the invisible chorus and the boing-boing noises are simply heinous. There are also numerous silly and farcical subplots and comic characters, including a hapless astrologer with a twin brother who is a motorcycle thug (can’t wait to see how that comes into play:(), a landlord who is blind and mute on alternating days, and an insomniac security guard. Lots of dumb random exclamations and noises and effects meant to underscore the “craziness” of various situations. 
Jenny K: Well the twin brother thing may just be there to give Rajpal Yadav something to do. Maybe the director couldn’t decide whether he should play it sweet or sour, so just split his persona (and his name) in half and came up with Raj and Paul. Just a theory. I also like Kader Khan (Duggal the Landlord) popping up drunk from under the table. Funny visual.
Julie M: I never thought of that. Kind of an inside joke…Wait…here’s the Sameer vs Sunny fistfight but it’s not occurring in the way I thought it might. Sunny has drugged Sameer by telling him Rani brought him some juice, and Sameer is hallucinating that the motorcycle thug gang is a pack of Sunnys that he has to pummel. This boy DEFINITELY has a wild fantasy life. So he beats all of the thugs up, thinking they’re Sunny.
Jenny K: Wicked Sunny…I’ll stop now…
Julie M: Oh, and Salman wears the most ridiculous clothes in this. that is, when he is called upon to wear clothes–as a lifeguard he’s half-naked while on the job and at every opportunity they have him shirtless. In one scene they have him running down the street in pajama pants and bare chest. Now he has on a blue-green tie-dyed, well, blouse (it’s more than a shirt!) that will cause me nightmares. Enjoy this musical number, which is one of Sameer’s fantasies early in the movie. Skip ahead to 2:50 where you see Salman and Akshay in perhaps the pinnacle of both of their sartorial careers. And the choreography will make you howl. After 30 seconds you can stop.
Jenny K: I agree, the blue-green shirt isn’t his best look, but it’s not as bad as the primary color-blocked shirt that reads like a Mondrian, at the beginning, complete with headband, if I remember correctly. 
And the miniscule grass skirts in the title song. Though, if that’s a contest, even though Akshay is taller, somehow Salman looks better in them. Not that those hula-gans should be encouraged.
Julie M: I noticed the Mondrian shirt too, and hated it. Salman should never wear round-necked shirts, they make his head look like a tiny little piece of fruit up there.
OK, it’s all over now. Somehow Rani and Sameer ended up friends despite all of Sunny’s meddling. Sunny and Sameer had a big blowup that resulted in a chase, ending up at a cricket field where Rani and her parents were attending a big match. Sameer (whom Sunny had earlier taunted that he was too much of a chicken to confess his feelings to Rani) saw an open microphone and used the opportunity to tell her how he felt and ask her to marry him. Rani’s dad said that he approved and Rani said yes.
Jenny K: I think Rani was just scared away by Sunny’s scary hand painted pinstripe suit. I was.
[Really. Click on the pic to the left and take a good, long look at it. If you DARE.]
Julie M: Yeah, that one goes down in the annals of bad clothing choices. Along with the yellow outfit from Bhool Bhulaiyya. BACK TO THE FILM. At this point Sunny confesses that he is really Sameer’s childhood friend Arun, who was the only person who understood Sameer’s temper, encouraged him to find a way to express his feelings less violently, and could calm him down. Arun had emigrated to America as a child and as an adult, came back to find Sameer. He found out from Sameer’s grandmother that Sameer had gone to Goa to start a new life and try to control his temper. Arun decided to follow him to Goa, enter his life and help him realize that he could own his feelings without having to fight all the time. Sameer and Arun hug and the movie ends at Sameer and Rani’s beachside wedding with Sunny/Arun as the best man.
Jenny K: Actually Sameer and Sunny’s chemistry was better at the end (and in the outtakes over the end credits, too) than either of them with Rani. But that seems to be true in many Indian films, I find.. However, I did like Sameer and Rani’s vibe in “Aaja Soniye.”
Julie M: Final opinion: the main story had possibilities but there was a lot of very stupid extras that ruined it. Salman left me cold (as he often does) but I love Akshay’s smile and the way he moves. So I spent most of the movie just enjoying him.
Jenny K: And my last observation is that rewatching Mujhse Shaadi Karogi shows me that if Salman is robbed of his usual expression of complacency due to his character’s well-meaning bumblings, he can be quite endearing in a film. I enjoyed him more than I’d like to admit.
[Since the Salman Outta The Cinema experience engendered such a lengthy filmi-critical wrangle, we’ll break it into two pieces. Look for Salman’s Inna The Cinema to post later in the week, when Bodyguard comes out.]
Jenny Ketcham
julialmoore
Filmi-Goris 